That’s right, a real date! Internet required for streaming should be installed by next Wednesday if everything goes smoothly. I am excited, but I guess a bit nervous too. It’s exciting to start a new project that you’re really enthusiastic about. It’s been a while since I’ve been genuinely keen to do anything. I don’t really know what to expect, and I certainly aim to be realistic with my expectations. I have a lot of things to overcome, firstly I don’t like the sound of my voice, though that’s the exact kind of mentality someone with anxiety would have (what a coincidence?). Maybe my voice isn’t as bad as I think, in fact it’s probably not. Still one of the things that’s really hard for me is to keep how I feel and what I know in sync. An example of this is when I used to go to Friday Night Magic. I know that I didn’t really go to win, I went for the social interaction and to have fun, I didn’t really care about the results, if I lost, won, came first, last etc. However what I know, and how I feel are completely different. I would feel nervous, anxious, worried, concerned. My hands got clammy and by the end of the night I would be so mentally exhausted than I’d have a headache and be pretty much ready to throw myself into my bed. When you’re 23 and something as casual as a social event causes you to be mentally drained after just a few hours, you start to realize that something isn’t quite right and more importantly something has to change.
Looking back I’ve probably had anxiety problems for a long time, the only difference between now and then is that I always had a method to escape it. When I was a teenager, it was mostly through gaming (World of Warcraft). I spent so long playing that game, simply because being in another world meant I didn’t have to think about anything in this one. After that I started experimenting with marijuana. A couple of years passed and we moved back to Australia. Since then I have tried hard to turn my life around and I can honestly say I feel like I have. This is just a speed-bump along the way. The funny thing is I am happier with my life now than I have been in a long time, but unfortunately Dr Depression and his sidekick Anxiety don’t take that into consideration when reviewing your application for admittance into AnxieCity.
One of the reasons I want to stream is that I am hoping I can help people like myself. One of the best ways to overcome anything is to talk about it with other people who’ve had similar experiences. I’m not a psychologist or doctor by any means, but If I can help just one person through what I’m going through, then I would feel like it was time well spent.
I’ll be streaming hopefully from next Thursday onwards. Hope to see you all there!