So I have the internet for streaming now. The planets are aligning for me to begin this fabulous but daunting adventure quest thing….
And yet I’m not feeling motivated at all. Why? Well it’s possible it’s because I’ve been a little bit sick thanks to some lovely weather while playing Football on the weekend. It’s also possible that without a real understanding of what I want to achieve here, I feel like this use of my time could be counter productive. I’ve been thinking about setting goals for what I want to accomplish while streaming, mainly to do with in game goals such as reaching “Legend” rank in hearthstone. I haven’t been feeling very good for the past couple of days and I think I know why. It’s because that’s not really why I want to stream. I want to help people who have what I have, who feel what I feel, who suffer like I suffer. Yes ok it’s true it could be worse, I appreciate that, but feeling is subjective and simply comparing your life to someone else who may or may not be worse off doesn’t make you feel any better. So what are my aims for streaming? Well honestly if I could help just one random person overcome their anxiety, their depression and help them on their own path to a happier living, it would make me feel like it was worth it. It’s a bit of a weird goal to have as a streamer but when I think about this it makes me feel motivated to do something. I know I can help people and the beauty of it is I truly believe that if I can help others then I can help myself. I’d love for my stream to be a place where people could come and share their experiences in an anonymous , friendly & relaxed environment. Sharing your experiences and feelings with others who’ve had similar experiences is a great way to overcome any obstacle, any problem, any fear. It’s very hard for me to feel good, but thinking about the chance to help others feel better makes me feel more motivated, more energetic and more alive than anything else for as long as I can remember.
It’s going to be challenging. It’s going to be tough and it’s going to require some luck. All I can do is try my best and hope that I’m able to look back on this experience with pride and good feelings.
Please share this with your friends, families & more importantly anyone who you think might benefit from getting involved. I welcome everyone to join the stream and sincerely hope to see you all there to support me and anyone else who has the courage to come along and speak up! It’s fucking hard to tell people how you really feel, it’s hard for me to sit here and write this. Life is hard, life is complicated but life is what it is and I have to be ok with this. I have to be ok with failure and I have to be ok with people knowing who I really am and how I really feel.
I’m not sure how to start, so I’m just going to keep writing how I really feel and hope that I’m doing something right.