It doesn’t matter how mentally prepared you are for it, when it happens, it hits you like an absolute tonne of bricks. However, not straight away. As some of you may already know, this morning, my dear Nana Rosie passed away in hospital, with Anna (her Daughter) holding her hand and talking to her as she was taking off life support. While we’d all known this was most likely the path that life was taking us, it just doesn’t make any difference to how hard it hit’s you when it actually happens. When my dad called to tell us, I honestly didn’t feel too much. Denial? Perhaps, but I never felt I was denying it happened, but merely not allowing myself to emotionally process it. I continued the day as normal, trying to slowly work up the initiative to do the mundane tasks that most people don’t even have to think about. Around 1:00pm, I was so uncomfortable, and so anxious that I forced myself to go for an hour long power walk / run. This helped a little bit, but it was only when I got home after that the real feelings surfaced. As I write this, tears slowly stream down my face, just like I cried earlier after looking at some pictures of Rosie. I cannot believe she is gone, and although I remind myself that she had a fantastic life, was a beautiful person and was loved dearly by all, it just doesn’t stop you from feeling the pain of losing a loved one. What I have to remember is this is natural, it’s perfectly normal to feel how I feel right now, and I’m sure many others are feeling the same way. We all handle it differently, and some better than others, but we all feel the same pain, the same grief, the same emotions. We all feel the loss of our loving and wonderful nana Rosie.
I’m so happy that Anna was able to pass on my message to Rosie while she was awake. I find comfort in the fact that I know she knew how much we all loved her. I’m grateful that although an incredibly difficult thing for anyone to deal with, Rosie was comfortable and in no pain when she passed away. I will never, ever forget her. Truth be told none of us were ready for this, but I feel like it’s something you cannot ever be ready for. I will never forget her voice, her smile, the conversations we had, nor her involvement in my life and how it has made me a better, stronger person.
I love you Rosie, and you will remain with us forever in our hearts, souls, and minds. Rest In Peace.