Tears of Joy

Just over 4 weeks on, and to be honest, my entire world has been flipped upside down. That frown has become a smile, and my anxiety and sadness has slowly turned into happiness and contentment. A lot of things had to change, and have to continue to change for me to feel this way, but what’s remarkable is how effective it is even after just a few weeks. I never thought in a million years I would feel this much better after such a small amount of time. I guess it all goes to show that happiness really is a mentality. That’s not to say it was easy, in fact it was still one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do in my life. It’s an enormous amount of effort and willpower, and for the first couple of weeks you don’t really see or feel any change at all. At certain points it’s easy to start thinking it’s not working, and you’ll be stuck in that negative cycle forever, but the real key is at that point just to keep going.

So four weeks on and I’m literally a different person. I’m smiley, happy, enthusiastic, and confident. I’ve lost over 8kg’s since I’ve been here. I no longer have health issues in the morning, and I feel stronger, fitter and healthier than I’ve been in years. I haven’t taken any valium, seraquel, codeine, endone or anything else potentially hazardous since I left Australia. What’s even better is I don’t miss them. I’ve been off them for long enough now that I don’t really have any physical addiction left, and while I still know part of me will always have that mental addiction side, I am now strong enough, and wise enough to know it’s not worth it.

My mentality has changed immensely towards everything. I’m so much more aware of how my actions, words, tone and mannerisms impact other people. I’ve learnt very quickly that taking interest in other people is far more rewarding than talking about myself. I’ve learnt that dealing with people, is far more complex than I’d originally thought, and the best way to deal with people is to put yourself in their shoes. Their position. Suddenly, all of that anxiety, tension, fear, and anger just fades away. What’s left is a deeper understanding, and innate sense of sympathy / empathy for the other person. Not only does this help to resolve any issues between you, but it allows you to almost always walk away from any situation, feeling happy and satisfied.

I’m only really touching the surface of this type of being, but I cannot tell you how much of a difference it makes to my own happiness. I am for the first time in probably two years, genuinely happy. I’ve been cooking in the evening for over a week now, and I love it! We play all sorts of sports, and I love it! Mike and I have absolutely amazing conversations and I love it! I take interest in other people, and try to ask questions instead of talking about myself, my problems, my fears….and I love it! Instead of feeling bored, depressed, anxious and sick, now I can sit in front of the TV and most of the time all I can think about is how fantastic I feel. I get waves of good feeling that course through my entire body. Honestly, it’s remarkably similar to how abusing drugs can make your body feel. The difference being that a natural high lasts longer, feels better, has zero drawbacks and is not harmful for you long term.

For me, that feeling is something I have not been able to have for over 2 years without the help of drugs. So for me to now be able to sit in front of the TV, and feel that good, it is a big enough change to make me cry of happiness. So many things are happening, and my mentality towards life has already completely changed. I know there’s still a way to go, but I am 200% confident that I can continue down this road now without any real problems.

Mike, who took me in when I was at the lowest point of my life, has been nothing but a saving grace for me. I was in trouble, physically, and mentality. I can never show enough appreciation for how much he helped me, as well as my entire family as well. The first couple of weeks here were particularly tough. Someone going through extreme valium withdrawal is not easy to deal with. Yet Mike didn’t let it phase him at all. He was so caring, and loving, it really is a testament to how kind and generous a person he is. I stand to this day, still believing that Mike is without question the most kind, loving and generous person that I have ever personally known.

That’s not to say I am not proud of myself, and everyone for helping me. Without all the support and love from my family, I would not be here today. Without my own strength, perseverance and willingness to change, I would not be sitting here writing words of joy.

It has been an absolutely amazing month, and I have nothing but confidence that it’s going to be an even more fantastic year. No. A fantastic life.

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Published by: Kinkymuffin

I've been through a lot, like many others before me, and many more to come. Drug addiction is no joke. It's a war that never ends. I've learned to cope with my addiction by writing truthfully about it. If it can help just one person, then it was worth it.

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