Genuinely Happy, Genuinely Harry

So over the past week, I’ve been tapering down my anti depressant (auto-citalopram). I’ve gone from 40mg to 20mg, and today is the first time I’m beginning to feel the withdrawal effects that inevitably come with reducing medication. It’s not particularly pleasant. My hands are hot and sweaty, I’m a bit anxious, and extremely irritable. The most mundane and slightest things make my mind boil with frustration. For the first time in about a week, I’d say I’m struggling a little bit to keep my positive mentality. The good thing is, it’s not really a concern because I know all too well this is just temporary, and eventually I’ll get back to how I felt a few days ago.

I’m actually very pleased that I’ve made the decision to start coming off the anti depressant. I don’t feel they help that much for me personally, yet I can absolutely tell that they have some negative side effects on my physical health. It’s certainly challenging today, but I’m not worried or anxious about failing, because I know I wont. I’ve had a lovely morning with one of the volunteers for Mike’s charity (lessons for life). Jan, is a wonderful lady, with a kind heart and much wisdom to share. We went for an absolutely beautiful walk this morning, and we have already become good friends. She’s offered to let me stay with her in Liverpool, and show me around. I’ve never been to Liverpool and I’m really looking forward to it.

It’s absolutely incredible how quickly you can make genuine friends when you take interest in others. Instead of talking about myself, I asked questions and took a real interest in her answers. Not only did Jan have much to share, but it was a fantastic and fulfilling conversation. It’s really amazing how much every person has to share, and you only need to ask the questions to find it.

I’ve been cooking pretty much every evening for over a week now, and I’m loving it. Making all these things that I used to make, and even improving on them by adding more ingredients is very rewarding. Mike always has a good thing to say about my cooking, and I’m starting to notice how much difference it makes when you go that little extra mile to enhance your cooking.

Overall today has been a more challenging day, but I’m still very positive and happy. I’m loving life, and am still in complete awe of how good I now feel 90% of the time. It’s truly remarkable how just changing you’re awareness, and becoming interested and thoughtful towards others impacts your own personal well being. Not only do I feel great, but the conversations are 5000x more rewarding. I’m making friends with all different types of people. It really does seem like everyone has something interesting to say, and you only have to open your mind and listen in order to learn from the wisdom of others.

Yesterday morning, I had a really fantastic experience. I woke up, and for some unknown reason my right lung was hurting considerably. It was actually making it rather difficult to breathe fully, and as a result of this, I started to get a bit anxious. What was truly amazing was that once we decided to go for a walk, my anxiety and worry faded away within minutes. I went from an 9 out of 10 anxiety to about a 1 in literally 2 minutes. This is a remarkable achievement for me, because normally in the past it’s taken hours or days to get my anxiety back to a manageable level. This time, I didn’t have to concentrate for long, or hard. I simply reminded myself everything would be alright, and I was fine. Normally I have to go into a lot more deep thinking and perseverance to lower my anxiety levels, yet this time just by beginning the process it was enough to almost instantly resolve my state of mind.

It’s such a victory, such an important victory for me. I cannot begin to explain how relieving it is to know that I can control my anxiety that quickly now. It’s such a great feeling, and I can’t help but feel quite proud of our team effort (mike and me) in tackling my anxiety and getting it under control. I rarely feel anxious anymore, and now most mornings when I wake up I don’t feel sick. I don’t have a churning stomach, and I can actually eat and drink straight away instead of having to wait anywhere from 1  to 2 hours.

Everything is going so well. I feel better and better everyday. Everything I do, that is kind and thoughtful towards other people, comes back to me in spades. It’s just so enlightening and rewarding, I can’t really imagine any other way to live life after just 1 month of changing my perspective and mentality.

I am genuinely happy, I am genuinely content, I am genuinely interested in others, and I am genuinely me, once more.



Published by: Kinkymuffin

I've been through a lot, like many others before me, and many more to come. Drug addiction is no joke. It's a war that never ends. I've learned to cope with my addiction by writing truthfully about it. If it can help just one person, then it was worth it.

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