So as of about a week ago, I made the decision to cut my anti depressant down from 40mg to 20mg per day. As to be expected with any anti depressant, I knew I was inevitably going to have some kind of acute withdrawal from making this step down.
Well it’s about day two of what I would call the worst days, and while It’s nothing like Valium withdrawal, it’s still certainly noticeable and taking it’s toll on my physical and mental health. The past two days have been quite considerably tougher, feeling very similar to the days when I was anxious and unhappy all the time. I guess it doesn’t matter how many times you’ve experienced coming off medication, it always takes you by surprise just how quickly it can make you feel unstable.
The good news is, I’m still happy, and even though I don’t feel particularly happy or healthy right now, I know that overall I am still very content. I guess It helps to keep in my mind at all times that this is not genuine unhappiness or ill-health, it’s just a reaction to changing stuff in my body. I know that it’s making me feel a bit off right now, but I know very well that it won’t last. That’s probably the most important thing to keep in mind, that and knowing when to do certain things to help. For example yesterday I woke up and within minutes I was physically sweating so much it was like I’d just run a marathon on a hot summers day. So, I put my shoes on, and sat outside. I decided that it would be interesting to really concentrate on the cars and the people inside them. Something that is as simple and mundane as that can actually become very interesting, if you simply approach it with genuine enthusiasm and interest. That’s what I did, and within minutes, not only was I feeling quite happy again, but I’d also cooled down considerably thanks to the fresh air.
It’s really quite astounding how quickly you can change your feelings if you truly believe that you have control over it. For me, that was a great achievement. Going from a state of anxiety, to feeling calm and content in a number of minutes, on a day where I’m suffering from withdrawal, is absolutely incredible for me. I did not expect that I could after 5 weeks, change how I feel so quickly. It’s become so much simpler too. I no longer have to close my eyes, or “zone out” to concentrate with logical thinking. Now, all I have to do is start that process, and before I even get into actually doing it, it starts to resolve my anxiety. It’s like the process has become automated and efficient, and I only have to “prompt” it to start it’s effects.
I know this withdrawal won’t last forever, and I believe that once it’s over I’ll just feel even better, because I really don’t believe I need anti depressants anymore. An open mind and willingness to change, is far more powerful than a pill in my opinion. I’ve been on and off anti depressants for almost two years. I’ve been on life’s anti depressant (open mindedness and awareness) for just 6 weeks, and the difference it’s made to my health, happiness and relationships with others far outweighs all of the anti depressants in the entire world put together. It’s not even a fair comparison.
Really, it’s just a testament to how powerful the human brain is, and you only need to truly believe you have the power to change and you will. I know I have. I know I will continue to change, continue to grow. Anti depressants changed chemicals in my body. Open mindedness, awareness and the willingness to change my entire perspective on life, changed me from the core of my heart to the center of my brain.
This is just withdrawal from negativity.