The past couple of weeks have been difficult for me. I decided more than five weeks ago to cut my anti depressant in half, and after a battle for stability for almost the entire time, it’s quite certain that something needs to change.
As of two days ago, I made the decision to go back up to my original dose of the anti depressant Citalopram. It was actually quite an easy decision for me, and not one that I feel bad about making. Sometimes the only way to know what’s best for you, is to try certain things and just see how it plays out. For me, being on 20mg of Citalopram instead of 40mg has not had the effect I thought it would. I’ve been a lot more unstable and it appears to be getting worse not better. Am I regretful that I tried? Absolutely not. I would make the same decision again five weeks ago. It’s only by trying that I’ve learnt what my body can cope with, and what I still need help with.
The good news is it normally only takes a week or two to get the full effects of going back up to 40mg, and I’m hoping that I’ll see and feel the benefits soon. It has opened my eyes and changed my perspective a little on anti depressants. It’s now finally clear to me that actually it does have some positive effects and something that I do need, at least for the time being.
Quite a few people have asked me if it made me disappointed to have arrived at this decision, but for me it’s not disappointing at all. In fact I consider it a triumph. I made a decision, the result followed, and because of it, I am now more in touch with what I need help with, and what my physical and mental body can cope with on it’s own.
Knowing what drugs you actually need, and what drugs you don’t, is really important for getting the most out of your life. I do think that it’s easy to become dependent on medication that you might not need, and as long as you are open minded and aware of what you are taking, it’s not too difficult to monitor and adjust your requirements to suit you well. It’s a learning experience, no one knows what they really need, and it’s only by trying and observing we can arrive at the correct conclusion.
Of course, as you go through life, things change, and so the conclusion of yesterday might not apply today. It’s important to recognize that we all go through change, and keeping in touch with this allows us to make better decisions going forward. I know that my decision to go back up on the Citalopram is a good one. I’m also aware that in 3 months it may no longer be required, and maybe It’ll be time to cut it down again.
The right thing to do, the right choice, the right answer, is only right for as long as it is. Understanding that the right answer today, maybe the wrong answer tomorrow, is a valuable tool in maintaining self awareness and keeping your life in check.
It’s certainly helped me, and will continue to be a significant part of my thinking when it comes to the balance of a healthy mind.
I hope these words find you well,