12th August – Day 1 – Reduced my tapentadol dose to 350mg from 400mg. A little bit of anxiety, I can feel my heart is slightly pressured.
13th August – Day 2 – Day two, and the withdrawal is already starting to take affect. Woke up with a thumping headache, and a lot of anxiety. It’s been a long time since I’ve had anxiety in the morning. Feels very similar to when I was in Australia. Stomach really hurt in the afternoon, I can tell already this is going to be fun.
14th August – Day 3 – Massive headache as soon as I woke up. It’s only 10:30 am and I’m already done with today. My heart feels like someone is crushing it, and my legs ache. I feel uncomfortable, uneasy, like something is terribly wrong, but at least I know it isn’t. Still remaining positive. I know that I need and want to do this, and ultimately it will help me get where I want to go.
2nd September – 150 : 150 – Feeling pretty average this afternoon. A little sweaty, but mostly just annoying cravings for any drugs to abuse. Really want to find more tapentadol but I know I cannot allow myself to do that.
3rd September – 100 : 150 – Real withdrawal is starting to kick in. Lovely nightmares last night, and this morning feeling pretty shit. I have no energy, but I’m feeling good in the sense that I know this is so good for me. Wish I had some kratom, hopefully it’ll arrive tomorrow since it’s really helpful with the withdrawal symptoms. Duncan and Mum are being really supportive and lovely, allowing me to just relax and get through the worst of it.
4th September – 100 : 100 – The worst day so far, really making me feel quite down and depressed. The physical side is currently not too bad, I do sometimes get really hot and sweaty out of nowhere, but maybe because I’m quite fit and healthy none of the symptoms are as intense as I’ve felt before when going through withdrawal.. The psychological part though is tough. I’m still feeling good that I’m doing what I said I would, but it’s still really tough. Hopefully the worst of it will be over in a few days time. So far no problems sleeping, which is really good. It makes the next day considerably easier if I can still get some rest. At least it was a relatively cool day today, which I think is really good for me. Overheating is a problem and will make me more dehydrated than I already am.
7th September – 50 : 50 – Yeah I skipped a few days, because it’s hard to remember to write these. The day wasn’t so bad. The night before was terrible, I got about 1 hour of sleep the entire night. Just lying awake continually cycling through being too hot or too cold. It sucked, I couldn’t get comfortable, and my legs felt really weird. It’s called RLS (restless leg syndrome) it’s a very common withdrawal symptom but it really sucks. It just makes you want to move your legs otherwise it’s like someone’s constantly tickling them. The evening was the worst of everything so far. I felt so ill, it’s the first time I’ve retreated to lie on my bed. I didn’t move for the rest of the night, on several occasions I thought I’d throw up, but thankfully I was spared that heinousity…for now. Thankfully, I slept quite well, probably because I was so tired.
8th September – Zero. – I feel better this morning than I did last night, but I don’t have much faith that I’m through the worst of it. Considering how bad it got last night, when I was still taking 50-50. This is the first day of not taking any tapentadol In probably about 10 months. No idea what will happen, but I’m not looking forward to the evening, as I think as the day goes on it’ll get worse. I’d imagine the next 24-72 hours will be the worst of everything. I’m not looking forward to it, it already sucks. Not to mention my e-cig has basically stopped working so my one thing that I kind of use to help get by is now gone. Still, I think it’s really good that even though everything is so shit right now, underneath how awful I feel, I actually feel quite good, because I can see already that I don’t need tapentadol anymore, and that finally stamping out all opiates is really what I need to do to move on with my life. I’ve been held down by opiates for so long, I cannot wait until I am free of their malicious and evil mind manipulating properties. I am done with them. I do not need them. I do not want them.