No life without Hope.

It’s true, and if you don’t see why, then thank your lucky stars you are fortunate enough to have lived a life so far that involved having hope. Hope is something we all need. Everyone needs it. It’s key. Without it, you are not even looking towards something, yet alone moving. Moving towards something comes after hope, but without hope you simply cannot feel rewarded. You cannot feel anything, because nothing seems to matter. Without hope, there is no ultimate goal, there is no resolution, and without a resolution, no movement. Without movement, there is nothing. Just still motion.

For probably the first time in about 2 years, I feel I have hope. Hope that I can recover from various things. Some that I caused, and some that I didn’t. What ultimately matters is that having the hope, the dream that I can move forward, has put my mind at rest. I don’t feel as empty, as lifeless, as useless as normal. I’m starting to enjoy moments of life again, and when you’ve lost that, it’s not possible to describe what it’s like to feel it again, even if just for a moment.

This all comes from starting Physio. I’ve found someone, who believes like I do, that I can overcome my back pain. I can dissolve it, and move on with my life. Both of us know it will be tough, but what’s that compared to living without hope. I feel my life has been tough for a while, I cannot see how this being tough will stop me. In fact on only makes me want it more. I wouldn’t believe someone if they told me they had a solution for my problems that was easy and quick. The truth is, that doesn’t exist. Nothing worth doing comes as easily as that.

So how do I feel at the moment? Well physically, awful. My pain is worse. I don’t care though. It’s part of the process, and while my pain is worse, my mood is infinitely better. I would almost consider myself midly happy at the moment. I think I’ve been able to say that about twice in the past 24 months. It’s nice. I still have moments, or hours, but at least it’s not days or weeks. I’m starting to feel in control of my life again, and that feels empowering.

I still have quite a long way to go, but at least it’s a long way to go, on the last chapter of this part of my life. I firmly believe that. I have not been in a better position than now to climb my way back to where I was.

And the best part of it is, the experiences I’ve had, and the things I’ve been through, have changed who I am. How I think about things, what I appreciate and my overall outlook on life. It may still be tough, but I’m starting to feel I may actually be starting to see benefit from it all now, as opposed to just misery.

Life without Hope is an empty dream.

But you can always wake up.

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